• Clearing, clearing.... Clean!

In the past several months, I have been clearing and clearing and clearing emotionally, and the latest manifestation of this is my CLEAN HOUSE.

This may not be a big deal for you neat-and-tidy people out there, but for me -- a perfectionist organizer type who used to just make "messes" and leave them because the stress of cleaning them up (and organizing each item perfectly!) was more than the discomfort of having the mess -- this shift is HUGE.

It's very important to note that before I cleaned my house, I cleared my SELF. How? Well, ho'oponopono, EFT (tapping), listening to youtubes on Abraham-Hicks etc. to raise my vibration, etc. And then - I just kept kind of training and working with my inner self.

In the simplest terms, I'd go about my days, notice all my emotions, notice the "space" between the emotions and my perfect, higher self; let the emotions BE, accept the emotions, love the emotions, and watch where they bring me.
After sifting through difficult emotions, I then get clarity of what action I should take. For an example: Last week, I had an emotional "block" that was soooo stuck! It was this funk that followed me around like a dark rain cloud. I couldn't shake it, I didn't know what it was from, I couldn't figure it out -- it was just THERE.

So I let it be. I listened to what my body needed (REST), I let myself expect NOTHING of myself that wasn't absolutely necessary, and I relaxed into the unknowingness, and TRUSTED that the universe, my angels, my higher self and even my mind would solve this riddle for me.

It did. At some point, something clicked. And then --

Then I started doing something that I have not been able to do in the 8 years since my first child was born.

I cleaned the house, and have kept it tidy every single day since. With no stress, no worry, no anger - but rather with Joy Fun and Enthusiasm! GENUINE joy - no bribery or voice in my head convincing me this is wonderful. Simple JOY at presenting a house that is clear of crap because I, inside, am clear of crap!

Mind you, there is a flow still - the kitchen gets messy when I'm busy cooking and caring for the kids, but as I go about my day now, I effortlessly clean it up! I don't get upset about it or stressed, so there's no stress to express to the kids. Quite the opposite -- I feel WONDERFUL in my genuine, authentically tidy house! Trust me - for someone who was quite happily a "messy" person (and I mean fairly happily messy, not all angrily messy - though it did have me frustrated at times) years ago when I was living solo, and who then married a tidy person, this is a HUGE change for me. And it's permanent. I know so because the shift is 99 percent inside me - and the 1 percent outward manifestation is the tidy home.

Going from messy to tidy is like an alcoholic going from drunk to sober in one second. It just HAPPENED after I accepted all my emotions, let myself be, and was content. And trusted. Step by step. I've had other energetic blocks clear in the past as well (including one for laundry that cleared sometime in September), but this is, by far, the biggest one.

It's AWESOME!

Thank you angels, universe, higher powers, higher self, and whatever whoever however I need to thank on this. This feels soooooooooooooooooo good.

Off to sleep now in my TIDY room and my already-made bed!

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• Inner Peace, a.k.a. Losing One's Mind

Among all the spiritual teachings I've come across in my journeying, Eckhart Tolle's have stood out to be, for me, the leader of the pack. He's like the quiet torch-bearer of peace in a loud and noisy world. Among the energy-moving din of OMing, chanting, crystal-bowl playing and tribal drumming, he silently raises energy by simply exuding the presence of a true Master in the flesh. He teaches inner peace simply by Being it.

I've read all his books, watched several videos of him and attended meditation classes that feature audio recordings of his as part of their practice. All of it is uplifting and healing. All of it helps me practice my own mind-quietness. All of it teaches presence.All of it shows you how you can consciously quiet the mind, let Being take over, and simply Exist.

Eckhart has been my true teacher of how to "actively" achieve of inner stillness.

But then, I learned, there is actually *another* way one can quiet the mind. One can have a stroke.

Yep, a stroke.

It sounds extreme - and isn't something you consciously intend - but the story told here by neurologist Jill Bolte Taylor, MD, - who HAD a stroke and lost the capacities of her left (read: thinking/logical) side of her brain - occurred to me as simply another explanation of what presence IS.

Presence is the joy that happens  when you really, truly and honestly shut up that damn chatty left side of the brain. It is, in a sense, losing your logical mind, and letting the creative, intuitive, conceptual, free right-side reign.

Keep the concept of presence in mind, and watch to Jill's story, and then take a listen to her NPR interview after. It's truly some amazing insight into the mind, the spirit, and where the two intertwine and divide.

• Her Presentation on TED: http://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html
• Her Interview on NPR: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91861432

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• Really Cool Video: "We Become 2012"

This is a beautiful video I stumbled across. The A/V quality is a little 'eh' but the singing bowls interspersed with this person's talking is soooooo soothing. Makes me want to acquire my own collection of singing bowls:


We become 2012 from kedarvideo on Vimeo.

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• Letters to Abraham

In one of the Youtube videos of Abraham-Hicks, someone asked how it is that Abraham came to Esther and Jerry Hicks. In a nutshell, the answer was: Jerry Hicks asked and asked and asked many questions. He filled notebooks with questions that he wanted answers to, and so, the collection of energies we call Abraham showed up via Esther to answer them.

That got me thinking: I have lots of questions - things that I don't yet have clarity on, that I can't figure out or entirely feel my way through. It'd be awesome to start writing all my questions down on paper so that I clarify exactly what it is I want to know - and so that an answer can come that more easily.

Now, I write a lot. I write here, I journal regularly, and - heck, I've been known to email quasi-mini-novels to friends sometimes - so I figured the best format for me is to start a just-Abraham-questions notebook filled with short letters to Abraham. Most of them are private matters, so I won't be posting them here, but one such question that I don't mine sharing sounds like this:

     1/7/2011

     Dear Abraham,

     Can you please tell me why I've manifested dental caries in my past?

     I would like to heal all my teeth and have them be STRONG and HEALTHY  and LAST FOREVER.

     Please offer insight.

     Thank you.

I like this - I like writing down all my questions, and keeping all blame out of them, and keeping them on the "up" side of positivity. If nothing else, it clarifies the question for me, so that I can feel or discover the answer wherever it may show up in my world.

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• Different Kinds of Gratitude

Today I received a package in the mail of a great kitchen gadget that I've been dreaming about for a few months now, and decided to purchase a few days ago. I'm super excited to have it, but its presence here is expected and it will fit right in with all my other kitchen gear. And yet, although I'm not jumping out of my skin with excitement, I'm still thrilled to have it here and am extremely grateful that I'm able to purchase it. So that got me thinking.....

There's a lot of encouragement to be grateful, express gratitude, and show appreciation. However, appreciation - like love - doesn't look the same in every situation, and yet it can be equally powerful. Sometimes gratitude is HUGE and LOUD and EXCITING! Sometimes it's quiet, serene, and subdued.

I thought about a good analogy that would clarify it for me, and I came up with this: When you travel somewhere that you've been just dying to get to - say Disney World or Machu Pichu or the Alps or the Sahara -- you are SO EXCITED when you get there! Jumping out of your skin, full of energy, can't wait to see it all, feel it all, smell it all, experience it all, take it all in! There's appreciation pouring out of your ears, beaming from your smile and emanating from your being. You are ready to go go go and do do do and take pictures and show appreciation and tip generously and live large. It's all outward and upward and grandiose and larger than life and FUN!!

Ahhhh... and then, when you've seen it all and tasted every morsel and adored every sunset and ridden every ride and are done for that journey, you return home.

And once home, you walk in the door and want to hug your house, cuddle with your familiar cup of tea, snuggle under the best blanket ever, breathe the familiar scents of the kitchen soap and re-read every favorite book you've got sitting on your bookshelf. You can't imagine ever not having this haven to come home to, to peacefully and quietly appreciate, to love to pieces for the simple sake that it's *you*, it's familiar, it's perfect, it's HOME.

Some things we appreciate LOUDLY; other things are warmly appreciated on the inside. Neither is better nor worse; they are just two wonderful ways to love the lives we are blessed to live.

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• War and Peace

As usual, I "accidentally" ended up watching a show tonight on war; specifically, it was a NatGeo channel documentary on American soldiers in combat in Afghanistan. The filmmakers recorded it while embedded with the soldiers. The soldiers were stationed in the mountains and were engaging in shooting combat with the enemy through the woods, etc. I forget all the technical terms and names of locations, but the impression in my mind and heart is very clear.

Here's what I saw and felt.

I saw really good men, really noble men, with high ideals and very active egos, swearing a lot and scared but acting tough. They were good at what they did, they busted their friggin' asses, and had a strong desire to be successful, protect America, and make their families proud of them.

I saw how they reacted when a fellow soldier was killed, and though I can't in my wildest dreams pretend to know how they felt or feel, it was incredibly, horribly sad just to see. Some men cried, some men just worked harder and told themselves they'd deal with the emotions later. But they all were fueled with the fire to do MORE, work HARDER, fight BETTER, and KILL THE ENEMY ever more profoundly.

It was inspiring to see their dedication and passion; it was heartbreaking to see them filled with hate.

Again, I first would like to reiterate my cluelessness here in that I've never experienced war on the front lines. So, I don't understand the anger that the group of soldiers felt when they heard that 9 other soldiers, in a different company, had been killed by the enemy. I don't understand, but I know I heard one of the soldiers announce to all the others that they were going to "Make those mutherfuckers PAY!" That they were going to exact on them ten times the pain, agony, death and suffering that American soldiers felt they had recently suffered. That they were going to "make the mutherfuckers feel like we feel right now!" That they were going to get revenge.

I get the anger. I get the rage. I get that I don't "get" it, too, in that I'm not in their shoes, I'm not experiencing what they went through. But watching it, it all seems sadly ridiculous. We are all One. Killing your enemy is actually killing a part of yourself. Shooting at and hating your enemy is shooting at and hating yourself. It's no wonder so many soldiers come home traumatized; they are attempting to squash the life force that they were born to embrace.

Here these men are - in the beautiful mountains, full of life and energy and enthusiasm - but fueled by fear.

I take the images I see on the television, and when the show is over, in my mind's eye, I turn it around.

I love them all unconditionally - the soldiers, the "enemy," the filmmakers, the families.


I create a new vision. In this vision, all the soldiers lay down their guns. They lose their desire to fight, but are still full of passion and energy and enthusiasm. They all sit down, close their eyes, and meditate.

Yes, these muscle-men full of testosterone silently meditate.

They breathe in the mountain air; they are at peace with themselves; and they focus on forgiving and loving themselves, thereby forgiving and loving the enemy.

They practice ho'oponopono, or whatever peace-bringing discipline works for them. And just as Dr. Hew Len used ho'oponopono to heal a ward of mentally ill criminals, the soldiers use ho'oponopono or their own choice of energy healing to heal the emotional wounds of the enemy and, at the same time, themselves.

They take their strong will and unwavering dedication and use to toward the goal of true inner and outer peace.

They offer no more resistance, but instead acceptance, forgiveness and love. And soon enough, there is no more war to fight because there is no more enemy on either side.

Peace has blanketed the land where war once raged, and the mountains are again a place of boundless joy and true freedom.

They all surrender - not to some self-created "enemy," but to the greater Love and Knowing that abounds.

All war has dissolved, and love again flows in.

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• Greeting the New Year

As 2011 awaits before me, I am ready. I can see clearly now that the past few months I have been lining everything up, and that now is the perfect time to really step into action. Here's what my actions are for 2011 as to how I am raising my vibration, helping humanity, and healing this planet in the process.

To begin with, my life is a bit of a walking meditation, and I have begun focused meditation in small blocks of time throughout the day, whenever possible. During these meditations, I become still and breathe in love and joy, clarifying visions of peace, and feeling the Oneness of Source and All that Is.

Second, I am clearing clearing clearing as I go about my day's activities. The easiest method is Ho'oponopono. I keep the "I love you, please forgive me, thank you, I'm sorry" chatter going as I take care of the children, run errands, clean the house, play, nurse my young baby - whatever. I'm aware of it all and the feeling behind the words. It feels very cleansing to keep the chatter going in the patter of words that most applies to where I'm at. Sometimes it becomes a series of "I'm sorry, very very sorry. It's almost tragic, yes I'm sorry." Other times, I find myself thanking a situation profusely. It's been very healing and very cleansing to keep these words silently on the tip of my tongue.

And in the midst of all the focused, serious meditation and clearing, I am inspired every day to take on some form of Dance. Dance is my unhindered, free, self-expression of pure joy and ME-ness. It allows Source energy to take form in the special way that only I can channel through dance and music combined.

Interspersed  among these actions are dozens of opportunities to practice patience, unconditional love, forgiveness, kindness, and service to others. There are aspects here that I want to work more on, but that will come in time. As I reinforce my solid foundation of meditation, clearing, and dance, it will all come together perfectly, as only the Universe can orchestrate.

Peace to all, and happy new year. Thank you for being here, to share this journey together.

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